ROBERT SHOYKHET

On the So-Called “Degradation of Popular Music”

This may be a controversial viewpoint, but I sincerely do not believe that music was in any way “better” in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s than it is right this second.

I’m sick and tired of hearing every modern-day punk revivalist, hippie wannabe, and classic rock enthusiast whine and bitch and moan about how “music was just better in the [60s/70s/80s/Early 90s], man!” The fact of the matter is that there has always been good music and there has always been bad music. Your opinion that “there will never be another [Keith Richards/Johnny Cash/David Bowie/Kurt Cobain]” is just that, an opinion. And I hate to break your achy-breaky heart, but that opinion is probably wrong.

I’m growing excessively weary of hearing people say that music was somehow intrinsically better in your favorite decade. That’s just bullshit, if you’ll excuse the language. You will.

As evidence, I submit this monstrosity. You’ll all heard it five-dozen times, I’m sure. It’s a little song called “Sugar, Sugar” and it’s by the Archies. Yes, those Archies. The cast of the 60s television cartoon, The Archie Show. What you may not know about Sugar, Sugar is that it was the number one song on the radio in 1969. If anyone wants to seriously look me in the eyes and tell me that Sugar, Sugar is in any way a better song than Party In The USA, I’ll physically murder you and then try to damn you to listen to it for the rest of eternity, nonstop.

Both songs have overly simplistic lyrics and a simple, catchy melody. And you know what else? Both songs are pretty darn craptastical. I know you hate hearing this, but Miley Cyrus isn’t any worse than The Archies. At least Miley’s real. The only reason more people like the shitfest that is Sugar, Sugar is that it’s been hammered into our heads in every goddamned sugar-substitue commercial ever made. And I’m pretty sure it’s one of those songs we learn in first grade by default, because it’s simple enough that 6 year-olds can sing it. Yes, it’s reached The Wheels On The Bus (Go Round and Round) fame.

In all seriousness though, they are still making amazing music. There are still lyricists who could hold a candle to Bob Dylan, there are now vocalists who could theoretically take on Freddie Mercury, and yes, there are most certainly better fake cartoon bands than The Archies.